Losing much more than my religion…

19 July 2006

Faith and belief is a wonderful thing. To have faith, whether it be in a deity, an idea, a person, a thing, is truly spectacular. It makes me sad that I have lost so much faith. A child’s faith is amazing, and when you lose that, you lose much of what makes humanity good.

Faith in something better is hope. Hope is necessary for continued existence and the desire to see and greet the following day. For without hope, what is the point in going on. But yet hope it seems is all that some people will ever have, but even that is not enough to satisfy.

Hope needs to be twinned with faith, that your hopes will indeed come to fruition. I have hope but no faith. I have wants, but see no fulfillment. And when your hopes are dashed whether from time to time, or periodically, your faith ebbs away and insiduously your hope is gnawed.

So what to do? Ay there’s the rub. Do we lower our ideals and trust not to hope, or do we set aside our expectations and reduce our faith? Or indeed, do we need to do either?

Pantha Rae – everything flows. Or so my old Philosophy teacher would say. It’s true, but things can’t help but kind of stay the same. Am I lost in thinking that there is no way to break the cycle? Can we really not change the realities which are presented to us?

I want to have faith. I see myself as a faithful person. But when faith is rewarded by betrayal, should we continue to have faith? Should we trust to something that does not return our giving? Why should we give when we do not receive in kind?

That is my problem. I feel that I should have faith, that I should give, regardless of circumstances or receipts. It should not matter what others think, or what others do. I should just stick by my belief that it is good to be faithful and good to give. But yet, when I do have faith and nothing good happens, I feel betrayed. When I give and do not receive, I feel downtrodden.

But to no avail. I really do believe it is good to have faith and good to give, and no matter what feelings may come, I will still try doing good, even though I may not feel it myself.

“Be subject to one another” (EPH 5.21) It’s not a bad way to live in this world. And I will try. 


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