To Know…

18 December 2011

I do not know what I was thinking
what better it would bring
to see you want somebody
to see you all over him

In a room with little light
shadows break your forms
and gently try to proof my eyes
from rounds of earthly visions
that would go through and through

But my body feels the entries
and my body feels the exits
and though I cannot see
and though you cannot look
a gape is there
and here
and there
and here and there
and where I cannot show

I do not know when I will wake
the feeling dull and fade
the music play
and I will hear
the last echo
the last beat

I do not know why
I should feel this way
But I know all this will end
One day

Boxes…

3 December 2011

I should have slept four hours ago
after you told me you were staying out

If I had gone to sleep I still would have a packet
but now there is nothing but an empty box

Twenty little plasters turned to smoke and ash
but they did their job until there was an empty box

I felt the nicotine racing through my veins
but it didn’t comfort an addled empty box

A shroud of twenty clouds taunt in wispy dance
obscuring and choking in a walled empty box

In an instant there was red but then it drained away
and there was nothing left flowing in a naked empty box

4am and you’re home now with ‘company for a little…
The staking of the final nail for a six foot empty box

Left Unspoken…

24 October 2011

With you I lie
For truth it brings no comfort

So both we lie
Denying what we know

We live that lie
There will be no tomorrow

We share the lie
Instead of my truth for you

For we both know
How I feel
What I want
What I would do
What I would say
If you would only utter Yes

But in truth there is only No

To save us from the mess
To save me from my pain
To save what we have built

There is only No

It lies with us

Rain Rain…

18 August 2011

Rain rain stay awhile
Fall on me during this trial
Heavy drops descend from high
Mask the bitter tears I cry

Rain rain stay today
Sing my song of wrought dismay
Soothing water wash this face
Veil my terrible disgrace

Rain rain stay this week
Grant the solace I do seek
Deluge me, do not refrain
Hide my hammering heart pain

Rain rain stay for years
Save me from these taunts and jeers
Drench my world, come torrent down
Conceal my abysmal frown

Rain rain stay with me
Broken hearted as I be
For my love does me revile
Rain please reign and stay awhile

Apathy…

16 August 2011

Apathy…
It’s you, not me

What I said is the truth that now I don’t want you really

So… stop.

Apathy…
I can’t, you see.

I want something more and it tears me up destructively

Must… stop.

Apathy…
Not us, but we.

We can’t go on pretending that this is reality

Let’s… stop.

Apathy…
Don’t do, just be.

We can’t be together there is no point to disagree

Last… stop.

How lovely and how sad.
I question myself nonetheless.
Why is it not so bad
To not be honest in my mess?

For I talk in deceit.
She knows not how I truly feel,
That I want to complete
My love for her with hardened steel.

By taking the next move
And physic’ly connect in sex.
I know she’d disapprove.
My question is what to do next?

Will I a single be?
Forever locked to this one just.
Rejecting willingly
Some other love, some other lust.

I guess I must be mad
But I just want this thought to die
That there’s more to be had
In love between my friend and I

I know what I must do.
Divorce the best platonic wife.
And find somebody new
To dedicate and share my life.

Shit!

Mistaken

3 August 2011

Am I deceived, in truths or dreams
Is what I see more than it seems
Or maybe what I see is less
And I am easily impressed

But by external beauty taken
Aroused perhaps with my eyes shaken
Your physicality alluring
My vision sensibly assuring

But I debate what I am seeing
Am I a superficial being
Or am I drawn by what’s inside
Your beauty just over applied

Yes I see more than a good look
More than what often is mistook
In truth you’re sexy and appealing
That hardly constitutes my feeling

I sometimes think you’re not that pretty
But I know I am being petty
For your beauty is not just worn
It’s also internally borne

 

Where…

3 June 2011

It’s often hard to see the wood for trees
Don’t know if I will ever know with any ease.
Confusion, conflicts, is it pain or not?
Why do I not appreciate the things that I have got?
Why must I think of more?
I’m what I would deplore
 
Externally content and inside numb
Portraying happiness though feeling glum
But is it actually to do with you?
Or is it me, unsatisfied with what I do?
I guess both is true
But what should I do?
 
Impatience though I thought was not in me
Has gripped me tight and points me somewhat desp’rately
I want to be where I think in a year
I’ll be a better man, where happiness adheres
So will I get where
Should you be there?

The Maze

19 May 2007

Lying staring at the blackness of my cold and unlit cell

Waiting to receive the wanted respite of a sleep filled spell

Thoughts a come of you and thinking where from here we go

A mind refined and answers filled yet cannot come to know

Like no savant of future views sees clear and set as straight

It pains to know how ends the play but still one has to wait

And so I lie in restlessness I ponder and I think

Just how our lives are so far yet inextricably linked